Tag Archives: sex

Nov 9 2012

Vibe Vixen: When Do You Know?

When Do You Know You’re Ready?

Posted by on Oct 1, 2012
 
 

Man and Woman SexThere’s a guy you’re attracted to. He’s funny, sharp, well-groomed and (the best part) he’s seemingly into you. You can feel your attraction to him growing after only one conversation. Your body is reacting, giving you all the signals that you want to move things to the next step. Do you?
Most female friends I know would protest a strong “no,” saying that sex with a guy on the first night is a surefire way to demonstrate that you have no form of self-respect. But does it really mean you have no self-respect, or you don’t respect what society expects of women when meeting men?
I remember watching shows like Girlfriends where Joan Clayton (played by Tracee Ellis Ross) would not sleep with a guy she was dating until the three-month mark. Among my inner circle of girlfriends, there were similar proclamations: “I won’t have sex until after the third date” or “I have sex after a month.” While I can acknowledge their choices to reserve sex until a regimented period of time, I always wonder, what exactly are we looking for in this guy before we give up the goods?

 
 

The old adage “he’ll never buy the ice cream truck when you’re giving out the popsicles for free” comes to mind when I think of it all and the double-sided stigma that is placed on women in society. If you have sex with a guy right away, you may be looked down upon because you’re not supposed to have sex with a guy you’ve only know for a few minutes. This woman is not looked at as a sexually liberated, empowered woman who knows what she wants and takes charge of a potentially rewarding situation. Oh no. Men are the ones allowed and even rewarded for having sex with multiple women in one day after only one chance encounter.
Is it the fact that we have more to lose than men do? Think about it. If you slept with a guy you had an actual interest in (not just a one-night stand) after a few hours and a pregnancy resulted from that, he would be free to walk away, while you would have to figure out how to rearrange your entire life.
Sure, hormones and alcohol may be tripping up the senses, but I suggest waiting game! If you spend more time learning about your partner, then you may have an idea of where his head was at in the event of something sexual happening between you two. You’d know if he was in it for the long haul or if he was just looking for a new partner for cuffing season. It makes sense to make a guy wait, but at the end of the day, do you still know him enough to spend a night with him? You could sleep with him after three months and then learn that he has two wives in another city of five baby mamas…
At the end of the day, only you can really know when you’re ready to take that step with a guy. If you feel a connection, go for it. But if you want to take your time, you’re within your right to. Vixens, what is your personal deciding factor of when it comes to taking a guy to bed and when do you know that you’ve reached that threshold? –Afiya Augustine

Oct 30 2012

Untitled Musings #4

She came over to my apartment, and I couldn’t help but feel a little anxious. We’d been dating for some weeks and I have to admit that I really like her. I’ve always liked her really. I’d known her for a while, but just never really had the nerve to ask her on a date. When I did, we hit things off so well that it only made sense to keep dating. When she kissed me, I knew that I didn’t want to stop kissing her. And the way she looked at me – some kind of twinkle in her eye, biting her bottom lips and a blush on her cheeks – just only reassured me that I was right to ask her out again. Continue reading →

Aug 3 2012

Update…and still ashamed

Hello Darling Followers,

This update comes from a rather not so happy and doleful place. I’ll get straight to the point:

I haven’t added anything new to what should’ve been the novel I “completed in a summer.” It seems that while I may have the entire plot mapped out to perfection, the words just aren’t coming to me. And though I hate to make excuses, I find that nothing is moving forward because I really don’t have much time to breath, with everything else sucking up all my energy. I know, I know – “if you want something bad enough, you’ll make time for it,” but this everything around me is just like a sinkhole of concentration. I intended on selling some of my hobby pieces this summer and that is constantly being pushed further and further into the future as new circumstances are constantly arising and because of this, the writing aspect of my life which I want to become vastly devoted to is taking a dive because of it. *sigh* I could stay up late and write until the crack of dawn, but I get so bogged down mentally, that nothing happens.

I was supposed to go to a place not too far away for a day of relaxation and pure typing, but that didn’t happen. If I have my way, I’ll go soon…if…

I spoke with a friend the other day who told me that I should release some of my work, over a course of time, bit by bit to gain an audience and feedback and while I’ve started that with this post, I haven’t got much of a response which obviously has left a bad taste in my mouth. Is writing really for me?

Anyhow, I will try to continue on…and I’ll be doing so with a bit of “Erotic Fan-Fiction” but not on novels or T.V. shows or anything like that. Nope, just on men. Men, will be the source of this fiction- famous men…or at least men I find incredulously handsome and would love to get my hands on but know (in the front of my mind) that I never will. I got the idea from Tina (of Bob’s Burgers) cause she does the same…but with her friends…and zombies.

I’ve always wanted to do it, but thought that in a world with so much social media and googling and shiz, people would think that it was a real story but, now I don’t really care. I’ve been dreaming of these guys too frequently to not indulge in a little fantasy and well…get some writing done.

The first of these Fan-Fiction pieces will be called “The Elf & His Princess,” a mock interview piece that I wrote in high school about me and Orlando Bloom (when he was hot off the LOTR circuit). It’s long…and it’s out there, but it was based on like a four-part dream I had for several weeks so…yeah.

w/love

-Alja

May 5 2012

Something – Entry 3

“Please, Ana, let me make love to you.” – Christian Grey

In most movies and stories, the “first time” is supposed to be a special moment between two people who are much in love and want to express their love on a deeper, physical & emotional level. Bah.

By the time I finally was intimate with a person, we’d only been dating for a couple of months at most and we hadn’t said “I love you” to each other. Continue reading →

May 3 2012

Something – Entry 2

“First, I don’t make love. I fuck…hard.” – Christian Grey

Christian Grey said this to Anastasia Steele after she came to his place with intentions of making love for the first time. I couldn’t believe it, as I’d been told something similar when I too was a virgin, seeking a companion.

“I really want to fuck you,” he said to me. He was the guy that I thought I was in love with in high school. I was a slave to his somewhat coolness, sleek hair and intoxicating scent. We were off to the side in our lunchroom cafeteria, talking in hushed voices. Continue reading →

Jan 4 2012

Speak Easy Words – Excerpt

An excerpt from a story I wrote years ago. Please tell me what you think!

Speak Easy Words

The night was cold, but pretty young. Jasper decided to take his friend Arnold to a spot where he knew the guys could have a good time and keep warm. The name of the joint was ‘Delicious’ and it was in the market of selling the best moonshine you ever tasted. So good, it was guaranteed to put hairs on your chest and chin. They were also in the market of selling time with some of the most beautiful women you could ever lay your eyes on. This was Arnold’s first time there, but it wouldn’t be his last. As the two gentlemen entered the speak-easy, the smell of tobacco and perfume consumed them.

“This place is the cat’s meow!” said Arnold.
“Well buddy, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!” replied Jasper.

As they went to sit down, a very short woman with a rather grand presence about her, glided across the floor. Arnold was immediately hypnotized. She noticed him too. She walked over and announced herself.

“Hey shug, the name’s Apple. What’s yours?

The southern bell of her voice rang and sent Arnold into a trance he could barely get out of.

“My name’s Arnold…”

“Well,” she started “seeing as I’ve never seen you here before let me be the first to welcome you to ‘Delicious.’”

“Thank you,” said Arnold. He gave a slight nod and Apple shot him a smile and wink. She turned her back to young man and swayed over to the dance floor. Arnold saw the back of her red gown—her back was bare and the rest of the red sequined gown hugged her hips, and round backside. He wanted to caress the smooth piece of pecan brown flesh that enticed his eye. He wanted to taste her, just like the fruit she was named after. And like the fruit, she seemed to be forbidden.

“Hey Miss Apple,” Arnold shouted. He got to his feet and walked across the floor to the vision in red, whose hair was pinned in an intricate maze of curls, and lips were colored in a matted deep red hue. “May I have this dance?”

“Well hun,” Apple smiled, “there are seven more in front of you, so if you don’t mind, I can dance with you after.”

“Sure,” replied Arnold. “I’ll wait in line so long as I get the chance to dance with you.”

As she walked away, his eyes followed close behind. Arnold had fallen in love with a beautiful creature, but didn’t know that returning those feelings was a service Apple couldn’t provide. In the business of prostitution, there was no time for love.