My Brain Scratching Affair With Disney Movies Presents: Sleeping Beauty (VIII)

Disclaimer: As I’ve written before, the following post is a part of a larger series geared to air out more or less, ‘adult’ grievances and flush out underlying (as well as obvious) themes that I’ve found while watching these childhood movies over again.

*Please Note: I do not ‘blame’ Disney for any of my findings, as these are films based on very old fairy tales. However, as Disney has animated a vast percentage of these ancient tales, I will continue to say ‘Disney’ for continuity. *

*Also, not all cartoons animations of childhood fairy tales were the brain child of Disney, so I will attribute the production companies accordingly.*

It’s been years, y’all. But don’t think I forgot about this. And for our return to scratching our heads, let’s look at one of Disney’s messiest films, Sleeping Beauty.

Courtesy: Disney
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Swooning for ‘Bridgerton’, Confused by ‘WW84,’ and What’s Good on TV? [Nerd Girl Corner]

Wazzup, wazzup, wazzup, nerds!

It’s been a minute since I stepped into this Nerd Girl Corner and for this, I truly apologize to you all to leave you with no warning. That was truly rude of me. And to make my blasphemous actions even worse, I haven’t been keeping up with the likes of entertainment as I did in the past! Yiiiikes.

But much like this blog, I’m slowly making my way back to all things that gave me joy — like nerding out over all kinds of nerdy pop culture shit, so let’s do it! And I’ve got the perfect stuff to start with…

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‘Beauty & the Beast’ (or Bust),’Wonder Woman’ Awakens & Double Up on ‘Insecure’ [Nerd Girl Corner]


Hey-lo, peoples!

I’m back again with some nerdy news. I’m certain you guys already heard it because I meant to write some of this stuff as soon as it came out, but life happened in the form of sickness after sickness after sickness and your girl wasn’t here for the shenanigans.


But guess what, I’m still gonna share it. Why? Because, why not. Also, I’m kind of in my feelings (or lack thereof) when it comes to some of it. So, if you’ll indulge me a little, let’s get the ball a’rollin’…

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And We’re Back With the Civil War, Apocalypse, and Everything Beyond [NerdGirlCorner]

Hi-Dee-Ho, folks!

I’ve been MIA for quite some time taking care of a few life changes, but now that most of them are squared away, I’m back — and with perfect timing too because a crap ton of trailers are out and I’m in my nerd girl feelings!

First up, we have the Captain America: Civil War trailer.

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Apocalypse Has Its Mutants, Korra’s (Temporarily) Back, and Penny’s Been Pushed — Nerd Girl Corner

I’m back, ladies and gents. Yes, I know it’s been almost a month since I last wrote to you and yes, I feel deeply sorry about it. I’m already starting the year off bad, but I promise you — it was not done in vain. I’ve got some pretty exciting projects in the wings, one of which will definitely rock the socks of some of your readers. But, let’s move on to tonight’s post, shall we?

As the title suggests, the upcoming X-Men flick, X-Men: Apocalypse has cast the actors who will play the younger versions of Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Storm. If you can recall, about a month ago, Latino-Review got its hands on the list of Hollywood yougins testing for the spot and the results are as follows: Continue reading

Chambit Is Happening — And Now Here’s What I’d Like to See [Nerd Girl Corner]

I’m back, ladies and gents.

As you guys know, I wrote an extensive essay (OK, maybe it wasn’t that extensive) on why I wasn’t too thrilled about Channing Tatum channing his Tatum all over Gambit in an X-Men origins movie for the character. Well guys, it’s really happening. That’s right. Channing took to his Facebook this week to confirm that he’ll be bringing his Magic Mike swivel hips to the franchise as Remy Etienne LeBeau.

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My Brain Scratching Affair With Disney Movies Presents: Cinderella (VII)

As I’ve previously written in the first installment of this series-long ‘editorial’ (if you will), the following posts are created to air out more or less, ‘adult’ grievances and flush out underlying (as well as obvious) themes that I’ve found while watching these childhood movies over again.

*Please Note: I do not ‘blame’ Disney for any of my findings, as these are films based on very old fairy tales, however, as Disney animated them I will continue to say ‘Disney’ as a reference. **Also, not all cartoons animations of childhood fairy tales were the brain child of Disney, so I will attribute the production companies accordingly.*

After a very long break, I’ve decided to return to my wonderful franchise with the ever-shallow Disney flick, Cinderella.



So the first question I had, after looking back at the film, was why didn’t Cinderella’s dad have a will? For a man who cared sooo much for his little girl — and had to endure the death of his own first wife — how could be be so careless? Yes, I can grasp the fact that maybe life insurance policies didn’t exist, but the WILL has been around since the dawn of time. What would’ve happened if Daddy Rella died  before he married Lady “Bitch Face” Tremaine? Cindy would’ve just became a penniless ward of the state. Daddy missed the ball on that one.

Next, Cinderella was better than most children, because I couldn’t understand how she could stand years of mental and physical abuse. I mean, first she got kicked out of her nice room — and we still don’t know what it was turned into — forced to live in an attic, and then do ALL the housework?  She didn’t have a third cousin on her mother’s side to run away to? If I were Cindy, the first thing I would’ve done was moved out of the place and moved in with a close friend of the family or something. Make a living out of cleaning and singing and do the damn thing.

Third, who the hell is Lady Tremaine’s baby daddy?


I love how every single Cinderella movie leaves out any kind of back story of her previous husband/baby daddy. Did he divorce her? Was he even a Lord to give her a lady title? Did she kill him for the money and then moved on to her next target?

And just how did Cinderella’s pops died?

I smell foul play — especially from Lady “Bitch Face” Tremaine.

Also,  why was it that the ONLY animals that could coherently talk in Cinderella were the mice? We can understand everything they say, but Bruno was left to grunt and growl like a regular dog, the birds had to chirp their words, Lucifer meowed, etc. Did Disney just run out of money to hire actors to speak for them?

And what about all this baby fever the King had?

If he wanted a baby around so much, why didn’t he just remarry (what the hell happened to his wife in the first place? Disney and these damn “dead wives”!) and have a baby of his own. He was freaking KING. He definitely could’ve done that. His eldest son still would’ve been his successor and when he croaked, he could leave his new wife to raise to new prince/ss.

Oh, and please let’s not get me started with the fact that Anastasia and Drizella were so ugly, they couldn’t have even been drawn to look like humans…

They look like straight cartoon characters — no bust, half-moon eyebrows, the works. Furthermore, their dad must’ve been one unattractive dude to produce THOSE faces. That’s probably why Bitch Face killed him. #ISaidIt Side note: who names their child “Drizella”? You know what, let me leave that alone because people name their children worse…

Another thing that killed me was Cinderella’s shoe being able to fit only HER foot.  You mean to tell me, that not one OTHER person in that entire kingdom was a size 4 1/2?!

Furthermore, who the eff uses a shoe as a means for identification?! Like come on, the prince can’t be that dumb. Why didn’t he round up all the blondes in the kingdom between 5′ and 5’5″ and then work from there? So you mean to say if a red-head or a girl with a pixie cut fit the shoe, then that was the girl from the ball? If I was Cinderella, I would’ve been offended. This dude thought she was SO beautiful, but couldn’t remember her features enough to have a sketch artist draw a photo so he can send his goons out to search for her. Laziness… and straight disrespectful.

Now here we go with the thematic portion of today’s head scratcher:

Theme One: You Need to Know Who You’re Marrying

Cinderella’s dad made the ULTIMATE mistake when he didn’t check who the hell he was marrying before bringing Lady BF Tremaine into his house with her two fugly children. Yeah, he thought he was bringing in mother figure for his daughter, and thought she’d be compassionate because she has kids of her own. Yeah, NO! This is a culture of #TeamMe and he should’ve known better to think that that woman would ever consider Cindy as a part of her family. Furthermore, Cinderella should’ve probably thought twice about marrying Prince Charming. If he couldn’t even remember what she looked like, can you imagine what else you would forget? Can you imagine if Cinderella went missing? He would probably have to give the guards her shoe to place on all the dead bodies in the kingdom to see if she was dead too.

Theme Two: Parents Need to Invest in Life Insurance

I know for a fact my own mother is scared poopless of the term life insurance because it really should be called “in case of death” insurance. But guess what? When you have children, and early deaths run in the family, your behind needs to make sure you have something saved away for your kids’ future. If Cindy’s dad thought more about making sure she was taken care of and less about bringing another female into his house, he would’ve written a will saying that Cindy got EVERYTHING and that Lady T was only there to supervise until Cindy got to marrying age. Then, Lady T could marry her off to the first thing that batted his eyes at Cindy and then she could’ve paid that dowry off, sell the house, and found herself an even richer man… to later kill and inherit his fortunes.

Theme Three: Slave Labor Can Exist in Your Own Home

Cinderella basically ran that house — cleaning, cooking, window washing, tending to the animals, etc. with no pay, no guarantee to her home, nothing. Basically for free. Out of the goodness of her heart, but more so because she was abused. In the beginning of the movie the say that she was treated terrible and humiliated, which means to me they probably broke her like a slave. Yup. Cindy was a slave in her own home. The only thing missing in a cotton field and a whip in Bitch Face’s hand.

Theme Four: Mice Are Still Creepy Ass Pets

I was never a person for mice as pets. They’re small, they get into everything, they breed quickly, they carry diseases, they eat everything… they’re just kinda gross. And the fact that they SPOKE in this movie creeped me out even further and resolved me to the notion that they’re just creepy ass animals.


Theme Five: Make Sure You’re Really Over Your Clothes Before You Throw Them Away

One of the scenes that really disturbed me in this movie was the scene where Anastasia and Drizella ripped apart Cinderella’s dress that used a COUPLE scraps from the sisters’ old clothes. I don’t know about you, but it always made me feel dirty… almost like a rape scene. I almost thought they were going to leave her naked on the floor with Bitch Face smiling in the corner. But this just makes my point that you should always make sure you’re really ready to throw your clothes away before you do. These girls really weren’t over their items like they thought they were — or maybe they were just jealous it looked nicer on Cindy than on them. Either way, they weren’t down with Cindy’s rat and bird friends upcycling their scraps to make her a half-way decent dress. So, before you dump away your old clothes, make sure you’re really over them. You never know what gems you could be missing.

Theme Six: Godparents Can Be Really Great in a Pinch

If it wasn’t for Cinderella’s fairy godmother, she probably would’ve just offed herself in that fountain when those skeezers ripped up her dress. But Ms. Bibbity Boppity Boo came and gave her a new dress, pumps, a fresh hairdo, and transportation, and that really made me appreciate having god parents. They’re purpose is to basically help the child when the parent can’t and in this case, Cindy needed all the help she could get. So make sure to show your god parents tons of love. You never know when you’d need them to spot your five bucks for cab fare.


Theme Seven: Don’t Let a Man Get You Sprung

If it wasn’t for Cinderella acting all sprung about the Prince when she heard he was looking for her, she probably could’ve avoided that whole being locked in her room waiting for the mice to save the day thing. But her head was so far up in the clouds, she didn’t have enough sense to play it cool and strategize getting out of her in-house slavery. That’s a lesson to you ladies — don’t get so hung up on a man, that you lose all sense and reason and then find yourselves in trouble you could’ve easily avoided.

Theme Eight: Be Nice to Everyone Because You Never Know When They’ll Be Rich Enough to Help You

One, if not the BIGGEST lessons learned from Cinderella is the idea that you should always be nice to people, no matter how much you really dislike them. Hear me out: Cinderella had a beautiful voice, right? If Lady Tremaine had invested money into Cindy being musical, she would’ve had the best singer of the kingdom bringing in suitors (and their money) into that house. As a matter of fact, if Bitch Face treated Cinderella with an OUNCE of niceness, got Cindy a dress for the ball, and let the prince play with her feet, then Cinderella just might have moved the whole damn family into the castle. Instead, she wanted to be a stingy prude. And what did it get her in the end? An old rickety house and two daughters no one wants to marry. Boom.

Theme Nine: No One Likes a Nasty Pussy

I will end this post with the most gratifying scene in this entire movie — Lucifer the Cat’s death. That was the nastiest cat I’d ever seen in my life and I genuinely hated him. When he fell from the tower of the house to his horrific death, I was happy. Pleasantly happy. He caused trouble for Cinderella, he tried to eat her mice friends, he got Bruno in trouble. He was just Damien re-incarnated into a cat. And no one like a nasty cat. Now, if you want to take that heading to mean something else, you can very well do so because I’m all for double entendres and in this movie, it definitely applies.

My Brain Scratching Affair With Disney Movies Presents: Pocahontas (VI)

As I’ve previously written in the first installment of this series-long ‘editorial’ (if you will), the following posts are created to air out more or less, ‘adult’ grievances and flush out underlying (as well as obvious) themes that I’ve found while watching these childhood movies over again. *Please Note: I do not ‘blame’ Disney for any of my findings, as these are films based on very old fairy tales, however, as Disney animated them I will continue to say ‘Disney’ as a reference. **Also, not all cartoons animations of childhood fairy tales were the brain child of Disney, so I will attribute the production companies accordingly.* This month’s installment of my return to my head scratching questions and off the wall theories tackles the EVER racist movie Pocahontas.

First things first: I know it’s pretty inherent how RACIST this movie was, but I’m going to mention it anyway. If you guys are unaware of Pocahontas, she was the chieftain’s daughter of a Native American tribe on the East Coast that got in good when the white man came in, took over and basically said “move over redskins, this is our land.” In some ways, Pocahontas was a traitor to her people, but in other ways she help founded this nation in all its racist pride. However you want to look at it, look at it that way. Anyway, I definitely had a couple problems with this flick. For one, this story is GROSSLY exaggerated and deeply racist (did I say it was racist?), but I’ll talk about that during my lessons section. But I had a BIG PROBLEMO with Pocahontas. She passed on a fine male specimen in the form of Kocoum. Yeah, he may not have been the most talkative of the bunch, but he was strong. And I guarantee you, he would’ve been kind AND boy knew about Pocahontas and her wild-woman-diving-off-cliff ways and probably wouldn’t have changed her (like the English tried to do in Pocahontas II, but I’m not getting into that now). You messed up, Pocahontas! YOU DONE MESSED UP!

Not only does she pass him up for the white guy (who ultimately takes the blame for killing Kocoum), but the white guy she passes him up for leaves her (yes, OK, he got shot — big deal) and DOESN’T come back like he said he would! Hmm … you sure know how to pick ’em Po-Po. And was it me, but didn’t it look like Pocahontas’s bff Nakoma wanted Kocoum? Think about it … she was always telling Pocahontas that she’s got a good thing going AND she was the one who ran to Kocoum (not anyone else in the tribe) when Pocahontas was doing the sneaky-sneak with John Smith.  Am I the only person who thought that Nakoma was hoping that Kocoum would see Pocahontas and get all like “forget that ho” and then date her?

Pocahontas-Kocoum-and-Nakoma-pocahontas-13194955-500-272Hmm, I smell a home wrecker…
Just sayin’…

Another thing: what was with all the unattractive British dudes? The only ones worth baggin’ were John and Thomas. AND they gave poor Tom a hard-ass time for not knowing how to shoot. That’s why this damn country is so trigger happy. There were other questionable things in this film, like what the hell were these Indians SMOKIN’?! Think about it: Pocahontas’s best friend was a raccoon, a hummingbird and a talking tree bark. A TALKING TREE BARK. I mean, I feel like there was some hallucinogenics in those pretty leaves that were always circling Pocahontas, no? I mean, how else did she learn to speak English so damn quick — Rosetta Stone? Well, it’s about that time that we get into the thematic lesson portion of this here post, so here we go:

Theme One: America Was Built on Trigger-Happy Racism

Yeah. I had to go there. And we know this is a universal FACT. From the moment that we’re introduced to John Smith in this movie in all his dashing, blonde-headed glory, this dude is boasting about all the ships he’s sailed and all the natives he’s killed. And when he comes to America, the first thing any of these fools do is pull out a gun on some “shoot now, ask questions later” nonsense. Pocahontas sang it best:

You think I’m an ignorant savage And you’ve been so many places I guess it must be so But still I cannot see If the savage one is me How can there be so much that you don’t know?

For real, like how to forage food, learn the layout of the land, or ask the natives for help. Really John, really! And despite them “getting along” at the end, they really didn’t. The white man came back, treated the Natives like shit, ran them off their land, went to Africa, brought slaves over and still acted like they owned the land.

You think you own whatever land you land on… …You think the only people who are people Are the people who look and think like you

Sang it girl. Sang it!

And if you think I’m being a little over the top, look at the lyrics  to the (albeit beautiful) song “Savages” :

What can you expect From filthy little heathens? Their whole disgusting race is like a curse Their skin’s a hellish red They’re only good when dead They’re vermin, as I said And worse They’re savages! Savages! Barely even human Savages! Savages! Drive them from our shore! They’re not like you and me Which means they must be evil We must sound the drums of war! They’re savages! Savages! Dirty redskin devils! Now we sound the drums of war!

You know what that is?

And that sad part? This mentality is VERY much alive today. Thank you Disney for preparing people of color for the real world.

Theme Two: Interracial Relationships Are a Risky Business

Don’t get me wrong now — I’m all about loving who you want to love. But let’s be real — this movie showcased how truly difficult being in an interracial relationship could be. First there was the language barrier (until they smoked some of the good stuff from Mother Willow’s bark) and then there was the whole cultural thing. I mean, just look at the faces of everyone who saw Pocahontas and John Smith Kissing…


Having an interracial relationship is a a tough business, especially if you come from two cultures that are literally worlds apart. However, you have to learn to remain strong and make necessary (and fair) sacrifices to make the relationship work. Stay true to yourself and the one you love, forget the haters and things will work out … hopefully better than they did for Po-Po and John.

Theme Three: ALWAYS Break Off Old Relationships Before Entering New Ones

Tale as old as father-freaking time yo. I ALWAYS blamed Kocoum’s death on Pocahontas AND Nakoma, but mainly Pocahontas. Why? Homegirl knew she was engaged to be married to that fine bear claw tattooed mofo. And instead of keeping it real and saying “Hey Kocoum, I don’t think this whole marriage thing is going to work out for me,” she just sneaks off to see John Smith. And what happened?

Kocoum died … he DIED!

Sigh. If it’s one thing you can take from this movie, it’s that if you are in a relationship (forced into it or not) and you no longer want to be with the person, sneaking around is the worst way to get out of it. It’s better to just make a clean break before anyone gets anymore hurt than they need to be. Yes, Kocoum would’ve been upset and his pride would’ve been low. But how much you want to BET if Pocahontas had just broke it up, Nakoma would’ve been there to pick up the pieces? Please redirect your eyes several photos above, and search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Theme Four: Men Need to Learn How to Ask For Help Or Directions

So, this Ratcliffe fellow, gets on a ship, lands in the Americas, calls his settlement in Virginia “Jamestown” and swears up and down the place is filled to the brim with gold. However, because of his pompous and prideful attitude, not only was there no gold, but he ended up shooting someone and getting in trouble.

Men NEVER like to ask for directions, and this is a prime example of what happens when you don’t. You see, Ratcliffe could’ve just told the Natives “take me to your shiny yellow thing” and they would’ve shown him the only gold they had was corn. OR they could’ve shown him some semi-precious jewels which Ratcliffe could’ve brought back to England. But noooo. He just had to be all “I know what I’m doing!” And where did that get him? Bound, gagged, and on a boat waiting to be tried in England.

Theme Five: Racially-Motivated Deaths Have Escaped Justice For Centuries

OK, so Kocoum comes to Pocahontas’s defense (as he’s told she’s in trouble) and attacks John Smith. They fight and it looks like Kocoum is about to win, but Pocahontas joins in to break it up. When Thomas sees the throw down, instead of helping Kocoum off John,  he pulls out a gun and shoots Kocoum dead.

Thomas shoots Kocoum

John Smith takes the blame, but guess what? He gets off when Po-Po stops her daddy from killing him (in that Old Testament way of eye for an eye, mind you). To add insult to injury, Thomas — the one who KILLS Kocoum — gets to go back to England and everyone’s like “let’s stop the fighting and be friends.” Meanwhile, when John Smith gets shot (and SURVIVES), they lock up Ratcliffe, gag him and get ready to send his ass to prison when they get back to England. Kocoum dies, and everyone’s like “aww, let’s move on.”

This, ladies and gentleman, is the moment that I realized that I was being taught racially-motivated hate crimes have gone unpunished for forever, and we can expect this saddening trend to continue to go on until we demand justice for ALL our fallen brethren. #NeverForgetKocoum

Theme Six : Sometimes It’s Best to Be Single

Pocahontas single handedly got two men shot, one of whom died. Real talk, who needs all that stress in your life? One guy likes you, but he’s just not your type. Then another guy likes you, but his people won’t accept you as his woman. What’s a girl to do? That’s when you learn that sometimes it’s best to just walk away from all these men and wait until you can get what you deserve (though personally, Po-Po had a great thing with Kocoum, but eh, she wasn’t feeling the dude).

And in the end, that’s what happened. John Smith went off to England with the “promise” of returning (but never did), Kocoum’s death faded in the background and all Po-Po had left was Meeko (the raccoon), Flit (the hummingbird), Mother Willow and her earth-spirit “herbs.” *Of course, until Pocahontas II, where she meets John Rolfe, but we won’t get into that now.*

Theme Seven: Animals Are The Only Things That Truly Know How to Adapt

I had to give a quick shout out to the animals in this film, because as a person fond of pets, I found that the only things that learned how to adapt to their given situations, were the animals. I mean, Meeko saw (well, smelled) John Smith coming and did what he had to do to get food. He even accepted John with the quickness, though Flit took some time. Now Percy, Ratcliffe’s dog, took a little time to adjust. But unlike John Smith (who probably could’ve been healed with Native American holistic remedies instead of traveling on a ship for MONTHS (which could’ve killed him) for “medical attention”) Percy stayed. Why? Because he adapted.

Lesson learned: animals are a million times more accepting AND resilient than humans. BOOM.

Theme Eight: Exaggerating History Makes it Better to Swallow

So for many of you who watched Pocahontas, going “oh, that’s so sad, why didn’t she go to England,” blah-di-blah, just remember that this film was a highly exaggerated version of the truth. In fact, Po-Po was a young girl when she met John Smith, that whole “Daddy don’t kill him” thing was possibly a stunt and/or ritual (if it even happened at all). Then, when her people and the settlers started squabbling AGAIN, they kidnapped her. Yes. They held Po-Po ransom! And when her people couldn’t meet the settlers’ demands, they kept her. And NO she didn’t go to England like she did in Pocahontas II with John Rolfe and decide “I love my Native American ways.” Instead, she adopted Christianity, changed her name to Rebecca, got married to Rolfe, had a baby and then went to England where she was dubbed a princess of her tribe (though they probably didn’t care) before dying on her journey back home.  Of course that’s “too deep” for a Disney film, so you know do what you must to get it out there: throw in some music, boost her age up, and make it all a lesson in racial (in)equality and you’ve got yourself a hit! Sometimes hearing the truth is a hard pill to swallow. And maybe many people wouldn’t have felt inclined to like Pocahontas as much if they told what really happen. So we get a mix of history and fun with Pocahontas being the brave, strong-willed, beautiful, red-skinned chieftain’s daughter who helped disillusioned traveler John Smith paint with the colors of the wind.

My Brain Scratching Affair with Disney Movies (Part V) – Mulan

As I’ve previously written in the first installment of this series-long ‘editorial’ (if you will), the following posts are created to air out more or less, ‘adult’ grievances and flush out underlying (as well as obvious) themes that I’ve found while watching these childhood movies over again.

*Please Note: I do not ‘blame’ Disney for any of my findings, as these are films based on very old fairy tales, however, as Disney animated them I will continue to say ‘Disney’ as a reference. **Also, not all cartoons animations of childhood fairy tales were the brain child of Disney, so I will attribute the production companies accordingly.*

This month’s installment includes my head-scratching questions and off-the-wall theories about Disney’s retelling of the Chinese legend Mulan.

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