First, I apologize for my absence. For the past few weeks, I’ve been working on another project of mine which I was hoping to do a little bit better with all the energy that I’ve been putting into it. Now that the hardest part is over, I’m turning some of my attentions back to WRITING.
There’s a guy you’re attracted to. He’s funny, sharp, well-groomed and (the best part) he’s seemingly into you. You can feel your attraction to him growing after only one conversation. Your body is reacting, giving you all the signals that you want to move things to the next step. Do you? Most female friends I know would protest a strong “no,” saying that sex with a guy on the first night is a surefire way to demonstrate that you have no form of self-respect. But does it really mean you have no self-respect, or you don’t respect what society expects of women when meeting men? I remember watching shows like Girlfriends where Joan Clayton (played by Tracee Ellis Ross) would not sleep with a guy she was dating until the three-month mark. Among my inner circle of girlfriends, there were similar proclamations: “I won’t have sex until after the third date” or “I have sex after a month.” While I can acknowledge their choices to reserve sex until a regimented period of time, I always wonder, what exactly are we looking for in this guy before we give up the goods?
The old adage “he’ll never buy the ice cream truck when you’re giving out the popsicles for free” comes to mind when I think of it all and the double-sided stigma that is placed on women in society. If you have sex with a guy right away, you may be looked down upon because you’re not supposed to have sex with a guy you’ve only know for a few minutes. This woman is not looked at as a sexually liberated, empowered woman who knows what she wants and takes charge of a potentially rewarding situation. Oh no. Men are the ones allowed and even rewarded for having sex with multiple women in one day after only one chance encounter. Is it the fact that we have more to lose than men do? Think about it. If you slept with a guy you had an actual interest in (not just a one-night stand) after a few hours and a pregnancy resulted from that, he would be free to walk away, while you would have to figure out how to rearrange your entire life. Sure, hormones and alcohol may be tripping up the senses, but I suggest waiting game! If you spend more time learning about your partner, then you may have an idea of where his head was at in the event of something sexual happening between you two. You’d know if he was in it for the long haul or if he was just looking for a new partner for cuffing season. It makes sense to make a guy wait, but at the end of the day, do you still know him enough to spend a night with him? You could sleep with him after three months and then learn that he has two wives in another city of five baby mamas… At the end of the day, only you can really know when you’re ready to take that step with a guy. If you feel a connection, go for it. But if you want to take your time, you’re within your right to. Vixens, what is your personal deciding factor of when it comes to taking a guy to bed and when do you know that you’ve reached that threshold? –Afiya Augustine