Something – Entry 4

“something heavenly led me to you…”

It was actually the internet.  I was bored and wanted to make new friends, however, my not-so-apparent self-loathing kept me from just walking up to people, or stalking cute guys like the girls I hung out with. So, I rummaged through social networking sites and found him. We had gone to the same high school and his face looked vaguely familiar. I figured, “why not?” and messaged him.

And he messaged me back.

We messaged back and forth:

Hey You
Yes, I absolutely LOVE movies. And since you’re a film major, maybe you could feature me in one of your films? So long as it’s not one of “those” kinds of films. Something…oscar worthy? Thanks for messaging back. Now I don’t feel like such a loner at this school. =)

 Re: Hey You
Stick with me babe, and you’ll def. get an oscar. In fact, everyone who works with me will get at least 1 oscar. I see that you’re into Tim Burton. Lemme guess, your fave film is Edward Scissorhands or Nightmare Before Xmas, right?

Re: Hey You
Nope, Beetlejuice. Speaking of which, another TB film is coming out soon…and seeing as I’m the only girl I know who loves him, would you mind coming with me?

I couldn’t believe my brazenness. I actually asked a guy out to the movies.

Re: Hey You
Definitely. I wanted to see that movie myself. Would you want to do anything else afterwards? We could just hang out and stuff.

“When I was led to you, I knew you were the one for me…”

After some fittings I had, I changed my clothes and went to see him. We met up at exactly 2.10 pm. He was adorably cute: glasses, short hair, t-shirt & jeans. He was no more than maybe three inches taller than me.

We went to the ticket booth and I pulled out my money.

“No way, I’ve got it,” he told me. I smiled.

We reviewed the previews and barely talked through the movie. He wanted to be a director and I saw the passion in his eyes as we watched the film. When it was over I got up to go.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting up to leave…”

“Stay until the credits end.”


“Well, you never know. Plus, you’re acknowledging all the people who worked on the film.”

I never thought of it that way.

“I never thought of it that way.” And so we sat.  As everyone else left. We saw a crew member with his name and applauded for him. Then it was over and we left.

“What do you want to do now? Are you busy?” he asked me.

“Nah, I’m not busy. What do you want to do?” I told him. I actually should have gone home. I didn’t tell my parents I was going to the movies.

We went to a pizzeria that he was familiar with. The owner gave him a head nod and everything. Again, he told me to put my money away and paid for my lunch. I smiled again. After that he asked if I would be interested in a walk. We walked another 10 or so blocks and then ended up at the entrance to a park.

“Wanna keep walking?” he asked me.

I looked at the time. Screw it. “Yeah,” I told him.

We walked and talked and it felt like it was forever wrapped in a shiny Christmas bow. We stopped at some point and sat down and talked some more.

“My dad’s a real shit,” he said to me.

“Mine too,” I confided in him. “And my mom’s super over-protective.”

“Yeah, mine acts the same way. She doesn’t like me bringing girls over to the house. At. All,” he said. I laughed.

We got up and walked some more. I could see the skyscrapers poking out through the leaves. It was one of the most beautiful sights.

“Do you know where you’re going?” I asked him.

“Yeah. I come here all the time.”

“He built a bridge to your heart, all the way…”

He took me to a bridge overlooking a large pond. We stood there. He told me I was pretty. I said he was cute. The sun was setting and we both looked at the view. The sky was an amalgam of hues and I felt my heart beat with something new, something…alive.

We made our way back to the entrance of the park and in the last few yards he placed my hand in his. I felt it- nice and warm – and I clasped my hand in his. An elderly man watched us as we passed and smiled. At that moment, I was the happiest I had ever been.

We got to the train station, calculating how long we had before we had to separate. We stepped inside and sat down. I rested my head on his shoulder and inhaled his scent. When it was time to go, he just looked at me, smiled and said goodbye.

Coming home, I had to play it cool so no one would know. I couldn’t wait until I had class again to see him. I got a text from him:

*Had a great time today*

I sent one back:

*Thanks, it was awesome!*

When I did see him again, I hugged him. Long and hard and without a care. A friend of ours saw us.

“Oh my goodness, you guys look so cute together,” she said.

After that, we were pretty close. He’d meet me after class or I’d meet him outside his room. We’d sit on any outdoor surface of the campus that we could…just laying there…talking…sleeping…reading…eating…listening to music. Then finally, one day he was stung by a bee and I felt sorry for him.

“Touch me,” I said.


“Touch me. I guarantee you it’ll take your mind off the pain.” Truth is, I didn’t want him to go to the nurse. I didn’t want our time interrupted. What can I say, I’m selfish.

We found a secluded area and I rested my head in his lap with my eyes closed. Hesitantly, he placed his hands on my sides. Then on my stomach. Then on the sides of my boob.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked me.

“Yeah, go ahead. It won’t affect me. I promise.”

I think he took it as a challenge to see if he could affect me and placed his palm on my right breast, following the outlines. Then he began to massage it and when he found himself tempted to touch my nipple, he jumped up.

“I can’t. If I do that…then I’ll want to take real advantage of you.” I never wanted a guy more in my life.

As we headed back to the general public he stopped me.

“Wait a minute,” he said.

“What?” I asked. And before I knew it, his mouth was on mine.

“…I swear the whole world could hear my heart beat…” 

I didn’t want it to end, but we had class. He tried to wipe off the glitter from my lip gloss, so I helped him, smiling as my fingers touched his lips.

“Your lips really are soft,” he said to me. After that, I was a goner. I just wanted to be with him. But unfortunately, things can’t always end the way you want them to.

At the time, my family was looking to move. I had a new job and class and it became too much. I also couldn’t wrap my head around how close he and his ex-girlfriend was.

“You still talk to her?” I asked.

“Yeah, she’s like, my best friend.”

Apparently he was pretty good friends with all the girls he had either been with exclusively or not. How could someone so short have been with so many girls? I mean, it wasn’t a lot, but not what you’d expect from this dorky little cute geeky looking thing.

And then space came. Between school and work and moving, winter and final exams, I didn’t see him. Then he moved out of his parents house and was enjoying his new found freedom. Our schedules were overly conflicting and like that, he was gone. Soon enough, some other girl got her claws in him.

“How does she look?” my friend asked.

“She’s alright…” I said.

“What does ‘alright’ mean?”

She was short, chubby and not that attractive. I didn’t know what he was doing with her, but that’s when I realized that he was really a guy about personalities and not entirely looks. She had gorgeous eyes though. I had seen them rollerblading together. When I got home, I cried.

“Fight for him!” my friends demanded.  But I couldn’t. Who was I to destroy his happiness?

“You deserve to be happy too, L!” they’d tell me.

I was also sort of seeing someone else. Though the other guy was a flake, I didn’t want to come between their new-found happiness. Shit, I longed to be that happy for years. Why would I wreck that?

Several months later, I accompanied him to look for a job and he told me that he and the girlfriend were having problems. He looked longingly at me and I just couldn’t do it. I told him that he and the girl needed to work things out. And they did.

Years later, I caught a glimpse of him. He had come back to school to support his fellow theater and film people. His hair had grown significantly. And he started wearing contacts. He looked so…good. Our conversation was brief and we walked away from each other. My cell phone by then had been changed over a million times and so I lost his number and his email had been hacked so he deleted it. He vanished from all social media and last I heard through a friend of his, he moved back home and the family moved away from the city.

If it’s true what they say, about “In life, you only get one regret,” well…making him mine was just that. This song will forever remind me of him…

“You wrapped me up in…the color of love. You gave me the kiss of life…kiss of life…”

One comment on “Something – Entry 4

  1. Girl, you had me with this entry. I’m leaned over my computer desk reading this like it’s the last thing I will ever read.

    Did you love him?

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