Ms. Manners – Column

Ms. Manners on…Public Transportation: 

I’m just going to get straight to the point–

 (1) When entering a train, please MOVE INTO the car and fan out. I never understood why people stood by the door, knowing fully well that a potential stampede was in front/behind them. Furthermore, if you’re going to play “door man” for the train passengers, you can at least MOVE TO THE SIDE to let people move into the train. It is the most annoying thing in the world to not get on a train and then see the middle of the car empty as it passes by.

 (2) Last time I checked, bags didn’t pay the $2.25 for a ride. You did. Either you sit down and put your belongings on top of you, or let someone who actually wants to utilize the space have it. Your belongings aren’t that special. If they were, you shouldn’t be on the train with them.

 (3) An extension of  #2 – Fellas I know that your family jewels require air and if you hug ’em too close to your body, your spermies will have a fever and die. But that’s no reason to open your legs so wide, that you’re hogging up perfectly good seats. Although many women are told this, it totally applies: KEEP YOUR DAMN LEGS SHUT.

 (4) Parents: control your kids. If your children are going to be swinging from pole to pole and hanging off bars every time they get on the train, then you need to show them a picture of a park, and explain the difference. Train time does not = playtime.

 (5) I know that some of us are really desperate for a seat when we see one, but when you KNOW that your ass can not fit in the 5 inches of space between two people, PLEASE DO NOT try to squeeze your way in-between.

 (6) Man invented the words “Excuse Me” and “Pardon Me” for a reason. Unless you’re mute, use them.

 (7) Yes, riding the trains and buses can be noisy, but that doesn’t mean that you have to. Please try and keep your conversations as much to yourself as possible. It’ll save the aggravated stares and eye-rolling that you know will ensue.

 (8) The bus and/or train is no place for trying to hook-up with someone. Don’t do it. Not only is it tacky, it’s embarrassing when everyone sees you get turned down by the girl who obviously has no iPod, but is pretending to listen to music.

(9) If you’re drunk or have had too much to drink, do us all a favor and take a cab. Watching someone puke when there’s still 27 stops to go before heading home is the most nauseating sight (and smell) to have to behold.

(10) And last, but not least. Please, PLEASE, PLEASE ladies and gentleman…do NOT, (I repeat) DO NOT  use the MTA public transportation as a caged ring, a boxing ring, or  a gladiator arena. It’s absolutely, positively NEVER the right time to have a fight when people are trying to get home. I understand there are some insanely rude people in this world who don’t know when to shut their mouths or walk away from an altercation, but be the bigger person and step away. Don’t hold up everyone’s ride home because someone got the nerve to be mad that you sat next to them.

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