Haven’t Done This In A While — Poetry

I can’t do this anymore.
I’m already feeling that
I’m not achieving any of
the goals I have set for myself.

So many places I want to travel to.
And no job to provide me the funds to do so.

What a life I would’ve made for myself.
Cafe brunches. Moonlit dinners. Dancing. Laughing.

And look at me now.
No steady work. No published work. No night life.
Am I all to blame?
Is it that I’m not trying hard enough?
Or was this all preordained? Written in the stars
centuries ago by the
almighty God(s) perched
on a golden throne?

Destined to a destiny of destitution.
And now I’m holding on to something that I don’t want to let          go of.
I’ve already gone all for broke. It’s either all or nothing
with you.

Can’t move on if we don’t let go.

Tears roll off my eye lids as I think of things to say.
I never envisioned myself to be a person filled with luck.
Prayers seem to fall on deaf ears and deceitfulness reigns
supreme, bringing about pain and heartache.
Dreams are caught in a rapture of their own, never to be
realized, but only an apparition during an unconscious slumber.

How much more am I to give?
When does sacrifice become a vengeful crime?
Where does suffering end and the healing begin?

My color-stained single paned glass heart

By alja0214 Posted in Poetry